"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
