i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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