he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
