The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
