worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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