you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
