Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
