i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
