come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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