Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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