I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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