I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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