yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
