he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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