Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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