They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
