Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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