hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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