Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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