Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
