so explain again why im purple
no
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
