he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
