i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
