I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
