think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
