I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
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