the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
