and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
