Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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