Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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