turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
