Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
