She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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