I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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