just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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