I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he was CRYING into my vagina
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
