ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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