Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
