We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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