Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
