We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
