12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
