Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
is that a dick in a sweater?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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