My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
