so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
