I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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