and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
