YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
