my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I need to sanitize my soul.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
