Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
